Senator Ted “Misguided Missile” Cruz today proposed to change the name of the United States of Amerika to Kokonia, in honor of the 2 Koch brothers, those philanthropists and defenders of liberty so dear to our hearts. We’ve been wondering lately what Ted would cook up to boost his popularity subsequent to his announcement to run for President in the upcoming 2016 election. This proposal to rename our country appears to be a good tactic due to the wide esteem the voters have for these 2 famous free-marketeers. The response of radicals in this country today has been fast and ill-tempered, however, most notably by that witless prophet, or perhaps profitless wit, Lucymarie Ruth, who declared that indeed the name of our dear country ought to be changed alright, but to Kakania, not Kokonia. The Kochs, due to their success in capturing this country along with their fellow smart ALECs, are deserving of having the country renamed after them. But due to the undeniable fact that the Kochs are also the most successful hardsell salesmen of stercoraceous humbug in history, the name Kakania is perhaps more appropriate. It is entirely beside the point that the former Austro-Hungarian Empire was also known as Kakania due to its kaiserliche und königliche (imperial and royal) dual monarchy status. But then, the Koch brothers are emperors and kings in their own right from the Quilted North to the Brawny South.